3 Little Brats
by Lolly Dream
Summary: Zoro, Ace, Law and Sanji in some Mega Crack-tastic Uber Crack! You won't want to miss out on the craziness of this Fanfic!


**Title**: 3 Little Brats

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I do not own One Piece nor do I make any money from this.

**Pairings**: Lots, try and find them all!

**Beta Read By**: N/A

**Summary**: Zoro, Ace, Law and Sanji in some Mega Crack-tastic Uber Crack! You won't want to miss out on the craziness of this Fanfic!

**Warnings**: UBER CRACKness, Spoilers, Naughty language, naughty boyxboy (yaoi-ish).

**A/N's**: Story taking place sometime before the time jump.

* * *

><p>At feeling a finger being repeatedly jabbed into his forehead Zoro lifted an eyelid to stare out of a blurry eye to see … no one. "Eh?" Zoro questioned and looked around the island beach he had feel asleep on. The crew had once again stopped at some random island that had nothing to do with the plot of their story.<p>

Still looking around a bit from where he was propped up against a palm tree he figured it was just his imagination and decided to go back to sleep. No sooner had he leaned back against the tree and shut his eyes did a coconut get dropped on his head.

"Heads up Marimo!~" called out a all too pleased cook a little too late.

With a bump now swelled up on his head Zoro looked up to glare at the blond and was about to chew him out when music suddenly cut through the air.

Zoro looked away from Sanji to look around as the cook slid down the tree part way then jumped down the rest.

"Huh what's that?" Sanji asked a little confused.

_Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -  
>And have we got news for you - You better listen!<em>

"OH NO!" Zoro cried in utter dismay.

The tone Zoro took put Sanji on guard and looking around for any incoming danger. "What? What is it … what's going on Zoro?"

_Get ready, all you lonely girls  
>and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -<em>

"We have to get out of here now!" Zoro urged and tugged on one of the cook's arms.

Sanji jerked trying to get free of Zoro's hold, "What the hell are you talking about you crazy, moss-head?"

_Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low  
>According to all sources, the street's the place to go<br>Cause tonight for the first time_

"There is no time to explain!" Zoro cried trying to run but the cook now had hold of him.

"Well make time! What's going on?" Sanji demanded starting to get ticked off.

_Just about half-past ten  
>For the first time in history<em>

"Don't you get it, Ero-cook? We are in a Fanfic! We have to get out of here before the madness starts! Or WORSE! Before they start making us kiss!" Zoro's face looked then as if he was holding back chunks of lunch.

Sanji's curly brow twitched as he glared hard at the Swordsman, "Oi! Are you complaining about … erg! Never mind that!" Sanji waved a hand in the air to dismiss that topic and to save it for later in privet. "Just how do you think you can tell we are in a Fanfic?"

_It's gonna start raining men._

Zoro pointed at random, "The music for one!"

Sanji pitched the bridged of his nose, "Ok ok … say I was to believe you. It's not like we can run off this island. Luffy and the others are still exploring that cave. What, in truth, can we really do about it?"

"Damn the cave!" Zoro remembered. That stupid cave that had nothing to do with anything to get One Piece yet Luffy just had to go anyways and Robin said it looked like people had once been living in it which had her wanting to explore it further. At the thought of treasure that one greedy bitch then had to go too which she got Usopp to go along to carry the stuff needed in case treasure was found and Chopper to use his nose and to help carry stuff back should there be anything too carry back. Franky went as well cause lets face it Robin had him pussy whipped and Broke went … well who the fuck knew why Broke did anything… crazy ass bag of bones that he was.

"Oi! Well?" Sanji barked out in annoyance, wanting an answer and not seeming to care he was interrupting Zoro's train of thought.

_It's Raining Men!_

_Hallelujah!_

_It's Raining Men! Amen!_

Zoro was about to reply when he noticed something in the sky. Seeing the swordsman looking to the sky Sanji followed his line of sight and frowned.

"Hey that kinda looks like …oh shit!" Sanj stopped what he was saying to scramble with Zoro to get away and did just in time as two figures dropped from the sky.

Law groaned as he landed hard on his ass in the sand but quickly got over it as he saw an ass in his face. He at once knew just who's it was as well and smacked it hard. "Ass!"

"It's Ace! I keep telling you that!" snapped Luffy's older brother who really is not his brother in blood but that's a little spoiler you will get to later in the series if your not already up to date… oh yeah he also dies but shhh don't mention it cause it's a sore topic for him.

Ace pulled his head out of the sand then reached down in it to pull out his hat and turned around rubbing his now sore ass as he glared at Law.

"Ace, Ass ... all the same thing," Law muttered off handed like. "More importantly where the hell are we and why are you here?"

Peeking out from behind a tree with Zoro, Sanji asked, "Why are you both here, Law your not even suppose to be showing up yet in the series."

"Another sign it's Fanfic!" Zoro warned.

"Will you shut the hell up about that?" Sanji snapped at Zoro.

"Fanfic? Oh screw that! I'm so out of here," Law shook his head getting up to his feet and after brushing himself off he raised his hands. Turning to the trees he grinned, "I'll just make a boat and sail out of here."

"I'll give you $50 bucks to take me with you," offered Zoro.

"Yes please take him," Sanji huffed and crossed his arms looking away.

"Oi! What was that dartboard brow?" Zoro grumbled.

Sanji didn't even reply to Zoro just mumbled about the world not using bucks and using berries.

Ace seemed to taking it all in well. "You know I don't mind this ... so what if it is a Fanfic … at lest I'm alive and not in jail … so really what's the worse that can happen? Ohhh coconuts!" Ace pointed a finger to the tree about to use his DF powers to get one down when suddenly Smoky the Bear stepped out from behind the tree.

"Only you can prevent forest fires!" said the bear to Ace then bumped the palm tree with his large bear butt and a coconut dropped down. The bear hit the coconut with a large bear paw and it sailed through the air and hit Law upside of the head knocking him back and keeping him from using his DF powers to cut the trees apart.

Sanji then let out a ever so girly gasp and cried out, "Law, my love!" with hands up in the air in limp wrists fists he ran towards Law, his heels raising so far back behind him he was almost kicking his own ass as his head bobbed side to side making his golden hair flop and shimmer in the late afternoon sun. Reaching Law he fell to his knees beside the man and scooped Law's upper body up into his arms.

"Law, my dearest! I never got the chance to let you fully play out all your depravity fantasies on me! There was so many and me … I could hardly handle that one with the eggbeater and … oh but I swear if you live my sweet I'll allow you to do anything you like to me!" Sanji sobbed out with large streaming tears running down his cheeks.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!" Zoro held out a pointing finger and shaking it. "Everybody knows in Fanfics it's me and Sanji that gets paired up! What the hell is this shit? No one wants to see LawxSanji …" the green-haired man was then shut-up by a large sandbag falling on his head making him fall down into the sand. It did not keep him down for long. Jumping back to his feet with a new lump on his head Zoro drew one of his swords.

"Ha! You have slipped up now! I know who is writing this Fanfic! Don't think your going to get away with this Lo-.." fifty more sandbags were promptly dropped on Zoro.

"Did anyone else just notice that bloody bear just talked! Quick someone get me a tutu I'm gunna catch that fucker and sell him to a Russian Circus!" Ace exclaimed.

Slowly coming too the doctor Captain rubbed at his sore head, "Ass, I'm pretty sure that kind of shit was band years ago … besides … only I'm allowed to have a bear in a tutu."

"I thought your bear was in a jumper," questioned Sanji.

"Yes but you don't see what he has UNDER the jumper," explained Law.

"He has a point … and dammit I told you it is ACE! Get your mind off my ass you sick bastard …GAH! What the hell are you doing to Sanji?" Ace cried in dismay.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I'm sorry due to the graphic sexual depravity nature of this next scene it has been cut from the story. If you want someone to blame then blame from its restrictions on what it lets you write or the author could be full of shit and just be using this as a way of time jumping. Either way we now rejoin this story already back in progress.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"God damn … I didn't even know that was humanly possible!" gasped out Ace panting as he lay next to Sanji, Zoro, and Law.

"Not fair! Not fucking fair at all. I dig my way out of all those sandbags just to get use in some sick twisted foursome with you guys! Now I know this is Fanfic because I would have never used my swords for …" Zoro was cut short of going into detail of what they all had just done due to Law rolling over on top of him and putting a hand over his mouth.

"Shh you bitch far too much you know that … it's not like you didn't enjoy yourself after all." Law leaned in closer as he supported his weight with one hand by Zoro's head in the sand. "Sometimes you just need to go along with what you have to, to survive so you can fight another day." Slowly his hand slide to the side off Zoro's mouth "And I can tell you're a survivor," Law purred as his warm breath gave hint to Zoro's lips of what a kiss would be like from him.

Zoro blushed and tried to take the upper hand in whatever the hell he was mixed up in, "I might be a survivor but it does not mean I would let you ..mrphh!" It was like people just didn't value what Zoro had to say! The fuckers kept cutting him off, yet with how Law was cutting him off this time made protesting near impossible. Zoro's heart thudded loudly within his chest and as he tried to retaliate by biting hard on Law's lower lip making it split open. Law groaned in pleasure and welcomed the pain by making the kiss deeper to Zoro's surprise and pleasure.

"Fucking doushbags, they just had sex," muttered Sanji in a sour tone as he watched Zoro and Law together.

Ace leaned over and smirked, "Aww are you pouting cause you're not the center of attention?"

"Fuck you! I'm always the star in these Fanfics and now suddenly ... this! It's like if I died or something! They don't even notice me!" Sanji whined.

"Welcome to my world … oh coconut!" Ace pounced on a coconut in the sand. "Hey Zoro I'm gunna borrow one of your swords. You don't mind do you? Great thanks!" and Ace swiped away one of the swordsman's swords without getting a real answer from Zoro.

"Eww it's still sticky," Ace gagged.

"Here use this. By the way how did we all get our clothing back on after the orgy so fast?" Sanji questioned as he offered Ace a rag.

"Eh its Fanfic don't question things, it will only make your head hurt … ow .. crap …speaking of hurting this really hurts." Ace held up his hand and Zoro's sword was sticking straight through it!

"Holy shit you need a doctor!" cried out Sanji in alarm.

"Hahaha just kidding!" Ace pulled the sword from his hand and there was now a firry hole. "I can't be hurt so easy like."

Sanji glared to Ace, "That was not funny."

"Aww, were you worried about me Sanji?" Ace teased.

"Like hell I would be," muttered Sanji.

"Alright then … here this will make you feel better." Ace sliced open his hand and blood freely flowed from the small cut.

"What the fuck are you doing you crazy psycho?"

"Making a drink… you want some?" Ace asked as he poured his blood into the coconut hold he had made.

"That's fucking sick I'm not drinking that … and you're just wasting that coconut!"

Ace shrugged, "Suit yourself then." Ace slapped his bloody hand to the coconut to make a handprint then drew eyes and a smile on it and showed it to Sanji. "Check it out its Wilson!"

Sanji face palmed, "I'm surrounded by morons."

"Ohh drink!" Zoro and Law cheered seeming to be done with their making-out now very random like as if the author could not find a good reason to have them pause.

"Yup, I call it CoBo de la Ace!" Ace took a swig of the drink then passed it to Zoro and he too took a drink then passed it to Law.

"You're all fucking insane! I hope you get the shits!" growled out Sanji.

Just at that suddenly Ace and Zoro shrunk into babies, there clothing still a prefect fit cause after all this is Fanfic and no real logical reason is needed given, cause really coconut milk and Ace blood would not turn you into a baby but for this story it clearly does.

"What the fuck?" Sanji cried out in alarm, eyes bugging out and even Law seemed stunned.

"How the fuck did that happen?" Sanji demanded.

"Where you not reading what the author wrote? It was cause of this drink ... no real reason on why it does what it does but it does." Law filled Sanji in.

"How the fuck can I read what she is typing?"

"You could hack into her computer like I did as I set it up so I can read from my Blackberry."

"You know what, whatever ... we need to focus on how to fix this ... come on Law help me get them back to the ship."

"Help you carry them? … babies?"

"Yeah and then you can take care of them while I go get the others to help us."

Law thought about this, having to take care of baby Ace and baby Zoro. Without another thought Law raised the coconut and drank what was left of it.

"OI! You fucking bastard!" Sanji cried out as he watched Law with a cocky grin turn into a baby just like Ace and Zoro had.

Sanji marched over to Law and smacked the coconut away from Law, "I should leave you out here for that stunt!"

Law pouted as he raised a little hand and then raised his middle finger up at Sanji.

"That's it! Have fun growing up in the jungle." Sanji gave a wave and scooped up Ace Zoro who were chewing and drooling on their fists. Law then started to cry as Sanji walked away causing the cook to pause and sigh. He knew he could not leave Law out here like this … as a baby he was just an innocent trapped in Fanfic. Sanji turned back around and scooped Law up.

"You owe me one you little brat … you all do!"

The babies made no comment just squirmed in his hold as he carried them back to the ship.

Back at the ship turned into utter hell for the cook. Without another adult he could not go fetch the others so he had to stay there and wait for them all to get back … leaving him to baby sit 3 little brats. They were getting into everything! Trying to keep them entertained Sanji fished out three highchairs from Franky's workshop … Sanji was not going to questioned it on why they were there he was just going along with it for now and set the babies up in the chairs in his kitchen.

Sanji figured food would be a good distraction so he whipped up a fest fit for a baby kings and when he turned around Ace was trying to eat Zoro's hair as Zoro tried to fend him off and Law was clinging to a Bepo plushie … where he got the plushie from Sanji had no clue but the kid was seriously freaking Sanji out the way he was staring at him so ominously. Sanji inched to the side away from Law and pulled Ace off Zoro.

"Heh I know his hair might look like string peas but trust me its not." Sanji smiled then as Ace reached out to Sanji's face and cooed.

Ace was rather sweet as a baby … no sooner had Sanji thought this did Ace get a hold of his curly brow and pulled. "OWW!" Sanji screamed out and Ace swung from the cook's eyebrow a few times before the cook could pull Ace off safely without risk of his eyebrow. He then stuffed Ace back down in his highchair.

"Little fucker …" Sanji growled and rubbed his eyebrow as he tossed a plat of baby food down in front of Ace. Ace at once went for it ... not with just his hands but his face too and proceeded to smear it into his table with his face as he ate.

"Now I know where Luffy gets it from…" he snorted and looked over to Zoro. The green haired baby was reaching for a bottle of booze on the counter and almost got it before Sanji slide it a few more inches out of reach.

"I think not Chibi Marimo. Last thing I need on my hands is a drunken baby … here." Sanji then offered Zoro a baby bottle and it was grabbed. Seemed Zoro was happy with any kind of bottle. Sanji shrugged and put in front of Ace and Law, bottles for them as well then went to dish out some food for Law but when he got back Zoro had snagged the bottles, one in each hand and one in his mouth.

"Oi! You greedy little fucker put those back!" When Sanji's demand was not met so he marched over and went to take the two extra bottles from Zoro only to be assaulted by the bottles Zoro held. Sanji stumbled back and glared at Zoro and waggled a finger at him, "I'll get back to you!" After all it was not like he kick a baby ... even if it was Zoro.

With a plate of food in hand Sanji moved over to Law and suddenly felt like he was in The Omen as he stared at Law and Law stared back at him.

Sanji scooped up a bit of food into a rubber spoon, "Ok Law open up."

Law did not comply.

Sanji frowned, "You shitty baby open up your fucking mouth and eat the food I made you!"

Law hugged himself to his teddy and suddenly looked almost fearful and like he would cry again.

Sanji blinked and looked at Law and was shocked but then again Law was just a baby now, not some evil devious bastard. Giving a sigh Sanji forced a smile to his face and moved the spoon around in the air, "Come on, open up for the pirate ship! Swoosh!" Sanji had the spoon swoop around.

Law opened his mouth a little.

"Open your mouth big and wide so the pirate ship can dock! Don't you want the tasty treasure?" Sanji spoke in a high sing song voice.

Law opened his mouth wide and Sanji took the chance and brought the spoon in only to have Law suddenly bite down on one of his fingers.

"GAW! You fucking little cannibal!" Sanji jerked his hand away and rushed over to the sink to take care of his wound. The little brat had broken skin! Once he was done he came back to find the plate of food he left by Law was now being used to try and drowned Ace as Ace snored away oblivious to it all.

"That's it! I have had it with you little wannabe Damiens!" Sanji's shadow slowly engulfed the three as he slowly moved forward to them.

"Saaanji! Meeaaat!" Came a voice far away getting closer all too quickly, leaving Sanji no time to get away as the kitchen door then busted in along with Luffy. Sanji ended up face first to the floor with Luffy on his back.

"Dammit Straw-hat! Don't just go around busting though doors on my ship!" cried out Franky.

"Ah sorry sorry Franky." Luffy laughed as he sat on Sanji's back and rubbed the back of his head till he noticed the three babies in highchairs. "Eh? Sanji! You had babies!"

Usopp's right eye twitched, "Just how long were we gone?"

After getting Luffy from his back Sanji then had to explain who these babies were and how everything happened, though was interrupted many times with, "Eww, perverts!" "Smoky! Did you get his autograph?" "That's ridiculous, there are no forests here!" and many more statements that were unhelpful when trapped in a Fanfic like he was. In the end Franky and Usopp went off to make a crib for the trio and Broke went off talking about coming up with a song. Sanji was not really sure about the others as he was more focused on the girls as they had offered up truly helpful things! Robin with a army of hands started to work on making the three PJs and Nami grave them a bath though now watching how Nami cuddled the three as she dried them he was wishing he would have drank that shit too.

Chopper next examined the chibi trio and concluded they would be back to normal in the morning then had Luffy help him change diapers as it turned out Sanji's wish had been in fact granted and the three had got the shits. In the end of that little fiasco, the babies, Chopper and Luffy had to all take another bath. By then Robin had finished making the PJs and Sanji had finished making dinner for everyone. However since he was the cook he was deemed in charge of feeding the three again.

Sanji tried his best to outsmart them this time. He only got out one bottle and let Zoro have it. He put a bib on Ace though after a bit Ace fell asleep in his food and was a mess again anyways. So the score was tied!

Sanji 1 vs Babies 1

It all came down to him and Law now. Law stared at Sanji then looked to Sanji's bandaged finger and smirked. Sanji glared and leaned in, "Ok you listen here you little shit! You're going to eat even if I have to cram this food down your shitty little throat! You got that?"

Law's eyes watered.

"Oh no! Don't think I'm falling for that again!" Sanji shoved a spoon towards Law and Law leaned back trying to get away holding up his little hands trying to fend Sanji off as a small whine came from the fearful looking baby Law.

Sanji could not help it ... it was rather cute. Maybe this was what Law saw when …

"Sanji-kun! You should be ashamed of yourself!" cried Nami as she hit him in the head.

"You should not make babies cry cook-san." Robin leaned an elbow to the table, her fingers ever so slightly half covering the small smile that was coming to her lips as she watched Sanji rub his head as Nami scooped up Law.

As Nami went back to her seat Law peeked over her shoulder and stuck out his tongue at Sanji.

Final score.

Sanji 1 vs Babies 2

Victor …the babies!

Sanji slumped in his seat. He only had his self to blame, he really should have known better to not waste food even if it was bloody coconut milk.

The rest of the night played out as chaotic as the rest of the day till it ended with Sanji in his bed with the three little brats with him as they refused to sleep in the crib Franky and Usopp made for them.

As the dawn peeked over the horizon however Zoro, Ace and Law turned back to their normal selves.

Later that day on the deck of the ship …

"Well at lest it's now over… " Zoro stretched. "… and it was not too bad this time."

"Speak for yourself you bastard!" Sanji growled as he puffed away on five cigarettes at once still trying to calm his nerves.

"Ha-ah I think it was kinda fun!" Ace laughed out.

"Whatever, all I care about is how do we get back where we are suppose to be." Law commented.

Music suddenly came on then.

"Oh fucking hell!...It's not over yet!" Zoro groaned in misery as he looked skywards.

_It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!  
>I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get<br>Absolutely soaking wet!  
>It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!<br>It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!  
>Tall, blonde, dark and lean<br>Rough and tough and strong and mean._

Many of One Piece men were now falling from the sky to land on the deck of the ship, Smoker, Gin, Shanks, Luffy, Kidd, Crocie and every other piece of One Piece male ass anyone had ever made Fanfic about.

_God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too  
>She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do<br>She taught every angel to rearrange the sky  
>So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy<br>It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!  
>It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!<br>It's Raining Men! Ame-nnnn!_

"Fuck it! If you can't beat them then join them!" Sanji growled tossing the cigarettes he was smoking overboard and stood to the front of the crowd now on the deck. Sanji tapped his foot to the wooden boards under his foot as he picked up the beat then started to shake his ass.

_I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin  
>Hear the thunder  Don't you lose your head  
>Rip off the roof and stay in bed.<em>

The others all stared at Sanji with mouths hung open but then Law shrugged it off and followed along with Sanji. At seeing Law give in as well all the others started to join in too, though Zoro only joined in when a sandbag pulled a gun on him making him.

_God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too  
>She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do<br>She taught every angel to rearrange the sky  
>So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy<br>It's Raining Men! Yeah!_

All the One Piece men synced up into line dance, hips thrusting, chests shimming, jazz hands and fancy foot work. The group then moved into a circle with smaller circles inside of it and lifted up Sanji as suddenly gold glitter rained down on them all.

_Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low  
>According to all sources, the street's the place to go<br>Cause tonight for the first time  
>Just about half-past ten<br>For the first time in history  
>It's gonna start raining men.<em>

As the gold glitter hit them it transformed their clothing into tight black leather pants with matching vests and hats. Slowly they lowered Sanji down and the dry humping line dancing went back on into action.

_It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!  
>It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!<em>

Zoro suddenly then awoke with jerk and found himself in the med room, Broke was there as well on a stool sipping on a cup of tea and reading a book.

"Yohoho! You're finally awake I see. You took a rather nasty hit to the head ... been out a whole day."

Zoro slowly sat up and rubbed his aching head. "I have … been asleep?"

"Yes ever since the cave in on the last island. Rest up I'll go get Chopper." Broke said and got to his feet moving to the door but paused, "By the way though … what was that song you were humming in your sleep?"

Zoro's cheeks flushed and he looked away. "I don't remember." he lied.

"Hm shame ..." Broke then headed out of the room.

Zoro frowned and tried to focus on what had last happened. They had arrived at that island and had found some cave. Luffy had wanted to explore it and then there had been a cave in and he didn't remember anything else besides that awful nightmare.

"Ah well at lest it was all made up and didn't really happen." Zoro comforted himself as he eased himself to lay back down and closed his eyes.

No sooner had he closed his eyes did a sandbag crash through the ceiling and down next to his head on the bed. Zoro's eyes widen as he sat up. Slowly he opened the sandbag and found gold glitter inside the thing!

Nami's head poked though a hole in the roof, "Gomen Zoro! Toss up my sack of gold dust up would you? Erm I mean our sack of gold dust heh."

"Gold dust?" Zoro questioned.

"Yeah it was part of our haul from the cave, don't you remember?"

Zoro flopped back down and put a hand over his chest. That was too close! Thankfully however, he was not in Fanfic after all.

~ The End ~

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><p><strong>AN's**: Make sure you check out the lovely art that goes with this made by my friends Ouran and Inari as they will be listed on my profile. Heh I'm uber late posting this story though it has been done for months now. ^.^;


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